Southampton Graduate Campus
May 18, 2003

First of all, this commencement speech comes with a warning label. It may make you drowsy. And it may be upsetting on an empty stomach.

We people in the Commencement Speech racket have a few standard ways of going about it. Sometimes we ignore the graduates completely and talk right over their heads to the newspapers, or to shareholders, or even to other governments, while announcing foreign policy. If it’s okay with you, though, I’d like to talk today just to the graduating class.

Forty-seven years ago, I was sitting out there where you are…well not exactly where you are…it was on a large lawn in the Bronx…but I was sitting where you are in every other way…while some guy, I forget who, was laying out a lot of platitudes for us. He was probably telling us about the word "commencement." That’s a popular theme. This is graduation day, but it’s not the end of something; it’s the beginning of something…the beginning of the rest of your life. That’s a catchy way to start, calling attention to the fact that this event has had the wrong name for maybe 600 years.

Well, actually, it’s the right name because around the year 1314 commencement meant the initiation of someone into an order – and in a college, it meant taking a full degree. But, we know nobody’s going to run out and look that up because that’s the kind of thing you did during your education – which we know is now over.

He was also probably telling us," "You are Our Future." Another popular theme. Well, you’re not exactly our future. By the time you have any power, we may be outta here. And you’re not even your future, because the funny thing about the future is it never gets here.

But it sounds nice to say you’re our future. Sort of gives you some status on a big day – a little going away present.

But this is 47 years later. The world is different now; a lot more complex, and potentially more lethal. Little pleasantries are not going to do the job today.

There’s an old curse that goes like this: you may have the misfortune to live in interesting times. We have the miserable luck to live in fascinating times. As a species, we know so much, and as a nation we’re so powerful, that it sometimes seems to me our future may be like a pencil balancing on its point. Depending on which way the pencil falls, we could either enter a golden age or see the birth of darker dark ages than we’ve ever seen before.

But it probably just seems that way. Probably, we’ll muddle on – continuing to avoid both Utopia and apocalypse. Which will be good because all the Utopias we’ve tried so far have been pipe dreams. And as for apocalypse now, we have a knack for saying, "Not apocalypse now, apocalypse later," and getting away with it.

So I guess that’s the daunting task ahead of you. Bravely muddling on.

And I’m here to tell you how to do it. I’m your man. Of all the people they could have picked to send you on your way with a final word of wisdom, they picked me. You are so lucky. I’m the perfect one to talk to you – because I learned practically nothing in college. Well, I learned a couple of things and you learned even more. This is a great school. But, believe me, you have yet to learn the thing that counts; the thing that will get you through the dark hours of the night when the grey wolf of doubt, the prince of fear, comes and sits on your chest and, smiling, whispers to you, "Hello friend. I’m going to eat you, but you won’t feel a thing because I eat from the inside out."

Right about now, you’re thinking is it too late to get the guy with the foreign policy speech?

Look, I’m exaggerating – but in spite of how easy it is to say, "commencement means a beginning," I’ve learned in these 47 years how bone-breakingly true it is that today is just the beginning. The rest of your life is going to be a continuing education, whether you sign up for it or not.

There were two vitally important things I learned in four years of college, and all the rest has been built on those two things. One was how to think clearly and the other was how to use language. I remember with great satisfaction the class in logic where I began to understand that there were rules to thinking that, if followed, could help you sort out the illogicalities in someone’s thinking, especially your own. And even though I was already trying to learn how to be a writer, I remember the English class that truly invited me to dive head first into language. But that’s all you need. The rest is experience.

No, there was one more thing I learned. It was the realization that there were people there who really cared if I learned. I know you’ve felt that here. Their example was an introduction to the passion for understanding and the dance of intelligence in which teaching and learning take place. It was an introduction to the generosity of those who invite you to exchange ignorance for curiosity.

Now, you’ll notice I said curiosity and not knowledge or truth. That’s because I think the opposite of ignorance is not just knowing something, it’s being curious about it. A lot of the things we know for sure are really just rough drafts of reality. In a story set in Eden, Mark Twain has Eve say about Adam that he knows a multitude of things, which are mostly wrong. We haven’t improved much since Adam.

I know this may sound a little bleak, but what use would I be to you if all I said was a string of heartwarming platitudes? Why don’t I tell you the real stuff? I’m happy and successful in every way that counts to me. So why don’t I tell you how I got this way, and then you can be happy and successful, too. It’ll be a well-spent afternoon, worth getting dressed up for.

Okay, this is important. Number One: Get ver-y lucky.

Be lucky enough to find a person you love and work you love. Be lucky enough to be able to do that work as long as you want.

Number Two: Have a backup in case number one doesn’t work out. Be nimble.

You can’t control the kind of luck you’re going to get, but you can control what you do with it. I think making the most of what’s come my way has been my greatest skill. I recommend it.

There are a few essential rules I’ve learned that I think have enabled me to make the most of what’s come my way. For what they’re worth, here they are…this won’t take long, because I’ve only learned three things in my life.

Well, I’ve learned more than three things. I’ve learned some French and Italian, and I can say a few things in Chinese and Yiddish. And for about thirty seconds I can say things in Quantum Mechanics. I also know how to make rigatoni with artichokes – and these are all extremely useful skills.

But they’re not one of the three essentials.

They won’t save your life in an emergency – like suddenly growing old.

You can do these things whether you get lucky or not… in fact, getting lucky and not doing them, is probably the best way to turn good luck into bad. These three essentials will help you make the most of what comes your way. Whatever comes your way.

1. Make someone happy. Learn how to laugh and how to make someone else laugh. Take pleasure in who they are, as they are. In other words, love someone. Surrender to the person you love. I don’t mean give in. I mean surrender. Put down the arms of war and open the other kind. You don’t need to debate and compromise with someone you love. Just make someone happy.

2. Find out how you can be helpful. It didn’t occur to me at first that being helpful was better than being the center of attention. That’s not an idea that would tend to occur to an actor. But it turns out that if you can really find a way to be helpful, more good will, more satisfaction, and even more praise, will come your way than you know what to do with. Being helpful assumes a couple of things: one of them is that the people you help actually want your help. And the other is that you know enough to actually be of help, and not make life worse for them than it already is. This means getting as smart as you can. But getting smart is a tricky business. The smartest people I’ve ever met are the ones who knew exactly what they were ignorant of. If you don’t know much about something, assuming that what little you know is all there is to know is not the way to find out more. And try not to assume you can just take a stab at complex things. Complex things bite. So, be wary of simple answers to complex questions. Einstein said everything should be explained as simply as possible…but no simpler. Being helpful also includes not ever selling anybody anything. Whether it’s an idea or a product, if it’s really useful, you won’t have to sell them. Selling usually includes telling them only what they need to hear in order to get them to hand over their money or their minds. Being helpful is telling them the truth as you know it.

3. If you keep score, keep score your way. Not by rules you can’t play by. Don’t let the world tell you success is a big house if you think success is a happy home. If you meet a bully who says, "I’m stronger and richer than you, and you’re nothing if you’re not richer or stronger than I am," and if he’s richer and stronger than you’ll ever be, wouldn’t it be stupid to get into a pissing contest with this guy?

But maybe all this is putting it into too many words. If I was about to be shot in some penny ante dictatorship and the firing squad said you have 10 seconds to tell us everything you know and if you can’t say it in one sentence, the president told us we should shoot you, here’s what I’d say: "Boys, think for yourselves."

I think that sums up everything but the love part – and you don’t want to start talking about love to twelve guys holding guns on you. It might make them nervous.

Thinking it through is what I’m asking of you…before you go charging off in one ideological direction or another.

No matter what the ideology is, I urge you get the facts and consider them carefully. Don’t just rely on your beliefs.No matter what area your most cherished beliefs are in…the environment, social justice, democracy, the political right, the political left… everything is much more complex than it first seems. Being passionate about it doesn’t make you right. And don’t assume that because you’re right in wanting something good that it doesn’t matter what action you take to bring it about.

But this, like all advice to graduates, sounds simple minded.

Given the way the world works, How could you, sitting here today, take seriously the words of some character up here saying, "You are the leaders of tomorrow – you are our future"?

Let’s be serious. When you leave here, if you’re lucky enough to find a job, you’ll spend the next 10 years learning the ropes and finding out exactly what compromises to make to get ahead. You’ll learn how to make and sell cars that are a little less safe than you would personally like to drive – you’ll make movies that are a little more stupid and predictable than you would like to see – you’ll fly planes with just a little more time between safety inspections than you yourself feel comfortable with. You’ll do this because the system you’re trying to fit into has been in place for longer than your ideals have. It’s the one your parents had to adjust to in order to survive – and their parents, too.

The single greatest American invention was not Henry Ford’s car – it was Henry Ford’s Assembly Line. In our age, it’s reached its peaked of perfection. Everyone on the line has a specialized role to play. Crank your nut, slam in your bolt and go home. No one is responsible for the whole thing, just your little part of it. It only has to be good enough to sell – and its value, its worthiness is reckoned by the price it gets. Your ambition will be directed at getting a better place on the assembly line and some day maybe even running the line – but as in that great Lilly Tomlin aphorism, "The trouble with the rat race is even if you win, you’re still a rat."

So, what chance do you have to be "Our Future?"

This chance: You can decide to think for yourself with every step you take.

You can say to yourself I will make a silk purse out of every sow’s ear that comes down the assembly line.

You may be expected to tell people only what they need to know to make the sale. But if you learn to find out what they actually need and help them achieve that – you will soon be doing well by doing good. It takes more energy…much more energy…but it’s also more fun. Edmund Burke said: The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." And I say the only thing necessary for the triumph of the assembly line is for imaginative, creative people with the energy of youth to do nothing but learn the ropes.

So that’s it. I’ve told you everything I know.

Think clearly, think everything through and think for yourself; learn to use the language to express that thought. Love somebody with all your heart…and with everyone, whether you love them or not, find out how you can be helpful. Neither a buyer nor a seller be of ideas and beliefs. Let everyone else think for themselves, too… and that includes not pounding them with advice, so I better bring this to a close.

No one can really advise you, anyway. You’re really on your own. And your best advice is already deep inside you. Listen for it.

You have an exciting life ahead of you, because, when all is said and done…you are the future…and today isn’t the end of something – it’s only the beginning.

So long and good luck.

Commencement